CWC PRESENTS: HELL 2 PAY
Live from the Moby Auditorium
University of Colorado - Boulder, Colorado
Sunday, March 16, 2008
[In the bottom right hand corner of the screen, it reads “After Whiplash Went Off the Air - 3/13/08" as we see “The Main Attraction” Tyler Boyd and Kirsta Lewis leaving her locker room carrying their bags. Just as they step out into the hallway, they’re greeted by Bryan Baxman and TaNK, who are both standing outside of the locker room with their arms folded across their chests. Tyler and Kirsta stop in their tracks and look to them.]
Baxman: Before you two go...can I have a minute?
[Boyd shrugs his shoulders as he sets his bag down, as Kirsta looks confused.]
Boyd: Sure.
Baxman: Look, I don’t mind you coming around and hanging with Kirsta backstage...but just because you’re allowing me to use the “Hell 2 Pay” name for our show doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to interrupt my show when you get a hair up your ass.
[Kirsta flashes a smirk and turns her head away to hide her laugh, as Boyd’s eyes narrow.]
Boyd: I see...
Baxman: I know you’re a big draw, but you’re not on this roster. I added the second show to get my own guys more exposure, and I don’t need a camera hog that’s not even employed by me taking up my valuable air time!
[Boyd raises his hand to his chin and rubs it, slowly nodding his head before slightly cocking it and taking a step in at Baxman, which immediately causes TaNK to step up and between them. Boyd doesn’t back down, though.]
Boyd: Baxman...call your boy off...
[Baxman doesn’t say a word.]
Boyd: If you know what’s good for you, Baxman...you’ll back him off NOW!
[Baxman’s eyes grow a bit wider.]
Baxman: TaNK...it’s fine.
[Tank takes a step to the side, not taking his eyes off of “The Main Attraction,” though.
TaNK: Just give me the word boss, and I’ll make sure this over-sexed, over-rated piece of garbage never sets foot in one of your arenas again.
[With a few small beads of sweat forming on his brow, Baxman wipes it and shakes his head.]
Baxman: That won’t be necessary...
[Boyd returns TaNK’s stare, not intimidated by the bigger man.]
Baxman: Just do me the favor, Tyler, and clear any mic time you want through me first.
[Boyd darts his glance back at Baxman.]
Boyd: Sure thing...
[He immediately directs his stare back to TaNK, who’s eyes are still locked on him.]
Boyd: And if I were you, I’d lose that look real quick, TaNK...or I’ll wipe it off your face for you...
[TaNK goes to lunge at Boyd, but Baxman quickly grabs him by the waist and holds him back.]
Baxman: No! Just let it go...
[Boyd and Kirsta both share a smirk and walk off.]
Kirsta: See you boys next week...
[Laughing a little, Boyd and Kirsta head off towards the building’s exit, leaving Baxman still holding TaNK back, who’s bright red in anger.]
--Start the Show--
Cruz: Wow what a way to start off Hell 2 Pay! This is amazing Killer, so much talent underneath one man, they had to make two shows for it! Good evening ladies and gentlemen, wrestling fans, I am Robert Cruz and with me is my commentary compaion... Alex Killer Kimmerly.
Killer: Hey! It's about time we got some recognition around here. I don't know how many times I told what's his face that if they just SAID our name they'd have people tuning in.
Cruz: Ladies and gentlemen we will be joining you every Sunday night for CWC's Hell 2 Pay on Showtime. I have to say that it is wonderful to be back here. And now.. Now you get to see your favorite wrestlers two times a week! How great is that?
Killer: Two times the girls? Oh I am in heaven!
Cruz: You will surely recognize the in ring talent as Cassandra Randall, she is the voice of CWC.
Killer: You mean the LOOK of CWC.
Cruz: Pig.
Killer: What was that?
Cruz: Nothing! And now let's go to our very FIRST match for Hell 2 Pay!
Tournament Match - 1-Loss Bracket Second Round - Noah Drakin vs. Demon
Cassandra Randall: The following is scheduled for one fall! First, the Demon!
[The lights in the arena go completely out, a poweroutage of sorts... Reddish lights soon strobe from underneath the ring apron, as "Enemy" by Disturbed begins to play... About fifteen or twenty second into the song, as the lights remain dim, the red lights suddenly go out, and ALL the pyro and fireworks pour out, in a flash, as The Demon stands in the center of the ring... At his feet, a pentagram rotates, illuminating The Demon and the ring area in a dark red glow... He raises his arms skyward, as the lights regain their normal illumination.]
Cruz: A dark and sinister entrance by the Demon tonight. He definitely has his hands full though, as he takes on Noah Drakin in moments.
Killer: Yeah, but I think someone needs to tell him that Halloween was five months ago..
Announcer: And his opponent, Noah Drakin!
“KILLING IN THE NAME OF….”
[A thunderous voice rings out into the arena as “Killing in the Name of “ by Rage Against the Machine begins to blares through the loud speakers. The fans start cheering as pyros shoot off from the side of the Tron, sounding like a machine gun blazing. The sparks fly through the air as Noah Drakin walks out onto the stage, wearing a pair of torn camo cargo pants and white wife beater tank top. Over the white tank top he is wearing a leather vest that is left open so blows back a little as he strolls to the ring. His face is stern and focused as he strolls down the ramp, slapping a few hands as he goes. He reaches the ring steps and casually walks up them to the apron He walks to the center of the apron and leans against the ropes with his arms crossed in front of him. Then in a flash he shoots his arms up in the air as the corner posts burst with pyros. He turns around and steps through the ropes. He begins stretching as he looks at Demon and waits for the bell to ring.]
Cruz: Drakin looks like he's ready to fight tonight.
Killer: They both do. This may be just the greatest match in the history of our sport!
[Cruz smacks Killer upside the head as the bell rings. The two take a moment to stare down one another, then Demon pushes Drakin with a hard shove to the shoulder. Drakin looks at his shoulder for a second, then responds by punching Demon in the face. He replies with a few more, then whips him across the ropes, going for a lariat, but Demon ducks, hits the opposite side of the ropes, and hits a body tackle, sending Drakin down. Demon lifts up Drakin and hits a snap suplex. He covers, but only gets a one count before Drakin kicks out. Demon lifts Drakin up again and goes for a body slam, but Drakin responds by kicking Demon in the gut, lifting him high in the air, and hitting a power bomb. He covers, but kicks out after two.]
Cruz: That was a vicious power bomb there.
Killer: Maybe if he does it again, the Demon will be able to go to hell!
[Drakin picks up Demon and plants him with a DDT. He steps back and waits for him to get back up, and when he does, goes for a spear. However, Demon sees Drakin and moves out of the way. Drakin end up spearing the nearest turnbuckle he's at. Demon waits for hit to recoil, then lifts him up, in a gorilla press position. Instead of hitting a gorilla press though, he turns him around and lays him out with a Alabama slam. He covers...
ONE!
TWO!
TH-NO! Drakin manages to get his shoulder up.]
Cruz: That move shook the ring; I'm surprised Drakin managed to get a shoulder up after that!
Killer: You know..shouldn't Drakin just throw garlic at Demon and win the match? He's a demon, right?
Cruz: That's vampires.
Killer: Oh.
[Demon lifts up Drakin in another gorilla press position, but Drakin manages to float over and land back on the ground. Demon turns around, only for him to get with with a standing enziguri at the hands of Noah Drakin. Quick to act, Drakin covers the stunned Demon:
ONE!
TW-KICKOUT!
Demon kicks out, leaving Drakin flustered. He drags Demon to the corner and goes for a STF. Demon writhes in pain over the hold, but refuses to tap out. He slowly crawls to the corner, but Drakin will have none of it and drags him back to the middle. Demon, though, manages to rake the eyes of Drakin , and Drakin lets go of the hold, tending to his eyes. ]
Cruz: Cheap move there by Demon.
Killer: Pff, whatever it takes to win..
[Still reeling from the gouge to the eyes, Drakin can't see Demon kicking him in the gut and going for a power bomb. But this time, Drakin counters the move and back body drops Demon back to the mat. Though his eyes are red and blotchy, Drakin manages to kick Demon in the gut and land the Last Rites. He covers:
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
The bell rings as "Killing in the Name" reprises and Drakin gets back up on his feet, his hand raised in victory.]
Cassandra Randall: Here is your winner, NOAH DRAKIN!
Cruz: Well it was a back and forth encounter, but in the end Drakin managed to secure the victory. This is a big win tonight for him.
Killer: Yeah, but..is the Demon going back to his crypt or something?
Cruz: ...don't make me smack you again.
[WINNER VIA PINFALL: NOAH DRAKIN]
A Hearty Thank You?
We cut to the back, where we see Ness entering the arena, a smile etched on his face and even humming a little tune as he made his way down the hall. Ness sees the locker room assigned to him and goes to enter, that is, until he hears a voice addressing him.
???: Ness!
He turns around, only to see it was the CWC interviewer, Tiffany Jackson.
Ness: Oh. You. Didn't you interview me quite awkwardly a few weeks ago?
Tiffany: Umm...yeah..
Ness smirks, closes the door in front of him, and decides to entertain himself.
Ness: Well sorry about that. You know, I'm not exactly in the best mind frame following a match.
Tiffany; Okay. But you've got to be feeling great following your victory over Kyle Cross and Savage Youth this week.
Ness: Well yeah, of course I am. I did what I intended to do and I did it using my brain. Wasn't it great how I let those two beat each other up senseless, then I come in and drop Cross with the Dark Driver? Brilliant stuff.
Tiffany nods, agreeing.
Tiffany: Yeah, but isn't that kind of a coward move?
Ness doesn't change his demeanor; he continues smirking as he replies of Tiffany's question.
Ness: Maybe people feel that way. Who cares, honestly. In the end..I'm a thinking man's wrestler. I could easily have taken them out both if I wanted to..but I took a different approach and it paid off. I have no qualms over my victory and anyone with a brain shouldn't either.
Tiffany: Well..since you got that victory, now you're first in line for a shot at the CWC Showtime Championship once the tournament concludes. Who do you think will be the winner and the first champion?
Ness rolls his eyes, amused by the question at hand.
Ness: Well, to answer that..a normal wrestler would go to say "I don't care, I'm going to take it from him/her anyway!" but I'm not going to take that route. Instead I look at the potential champions and it's a impressive list. Jackson, Krista Lewis, Ryu Nakajima..I'd like to face all of them. The point is, though..eventually one of these people is going to have something I want. But since you've given me some airtime, and I do thank you for that, I'd just like to say thank you to the person who will eventually become the first Showtime champion.
Tiffany: Um, thanking them for what?
Ness opens the door to his locker room again and puts his things in; before he closes the door, however, he responds to the question at hand.
Ness: Well..at the risk of sounding cliche..I thank them heartily for carrying my gold. Good day, miss.
Ness closes the door behind him; Tiffany remains near the door and just shrugs as we go back to ringside.
Tournament Match - 1-Loss Bracket Second Round - Matthew Murphy vs. Brandon Watkins
[Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve hits the arena sound system to a decent crowd pop.
The sounds of "Bittersweet Symphony" explode over the PA system, as the lights begin to flash shades of red and gold. Sparks begin to pour from the over hang of the stage, as two figures emerge from behind the curtain. The figures step out, walking through the sparks, and identify themselves as Brandon Watkins and his manager Jessica Bollinger. The couple strikes a pose, as a rather large silver pyro shoots off behind them. The couple then, hand in hand, makes their way down the entrance ramp, and stops at the steel steps leading up into the ring. Brandon holds Jessica's hand as she makes her way up the steps, quickly jumping on the ring apron and holding the ropes open for her. After entering himself, he climbs the far turnbuckle and strikes yet another pose for the fans, patiently awaiting his opponent.]
CR: from Phoenix, Arizona…weighing 235 pounds…Brandon Watkins!
Cruz: This young man has made a name for himself in other wrestling promotions and tonight he could take a huge leap in his CWC career, if he can get passed Matthew Murphy.
Killer: Yeah and that’s a big if. Watkins has the skills, but does he have the heart to become a champion?
CR: And his opponent…
["The Howling" by Within Temptation plays. As the lyrics actually begin there is a blast of pyro and Matthew makes his way to the ring. He is dressed in a long pair of tights wearing a long black leather jacket that is undone. He runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. He stands up smiling and looks around the crowd. They are booing as he takes off his jacket and snickers at the hate being directed to him.]
CR: …from, Mt Pearl, Newfoundland, Canada…weighing 258 pounds…Matthew Murphy.
Cruz: Not the most popular man in the building tonight but he doesn’t seem to care!
Killer: And why should he? This isn’t a popularity contest, it’s a tournament match for the Showtime Title! This is the big time and I think Murphy is ready for it.
[Murphy and Watkins lock up in the middle of the ring and battle for control, Watkins gets the advantage and moves into a waste lock. He tries to bring Murphy down but he lands a couple of elbow shots to the head to break it up, he whips Watkins off the ropes, he ducks a clothesline attempt, and hits the ropes and leaps with a flying forearm shot to the face of Murphy that knocks him down! The crowd pop as Watkins nails some stomps to Murphy before whipping him off the ropes and sending him over with a big back body drop. He then hits a leg drop and into the cover.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Murphy kicks out as Watkins tries to stay on him with forearm shots to the back. He brings Murphy to his feet and whips him into the corner. He charges but Murphy gets a foot up into the face of Watkins staggering him back! Murphy charges out of the corner but Watkins nails him with a spinning kick to the mid section and then drops him with DDT! He makes the cover again.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Murphy kicks out in time again. Watkins is getting confident as he brings Murphy to his feet and motions to the crowd. He goes for an Irish whip but Murphy reverses it and Watkins hits the ropes, Murphy is right behind him though and nails a back elbow shot to the jaw before dropping him with a big t-bone suplex! The crowd boo as Murphy starts to stomp away on Watkins and chokes him with his boot before driving both knees into the chest of Watkins and then making the cover.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Watkins rolls the shoulder up to a good crowd pop.]
Cruz: Watkins had the early control but Murphy is getting right back into this.
Killer: Good use of the boot choke, that’s how I do it on the street when someone gets in my face!
[Murphy stays on offence with some kicks to the chest before bringing Watkins to his feet and nailing some forearm shots to the head. He nails a nice looking fall away slam and makes the cover.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Watkins kicks out in time. Murphy hooks on a rear chin lock and cranks away on the hold as Watkins struggles for air. The crowd rally behind Watkins and he is able to get to his feet, he fires off some elbow shots to the mid section of Murphy before going to run the ropes, but Murphy grabs him by the hair and hauls him down to the mat. The crowd boo as Murphy looks confident and drives a few knee strikes into the chest and face of Murphy before bringing him to his feet and hitting a nice German suplex. He holds on and hits another German suplex, then another and finally a fourth! Murphy looks totally confident and flips the crowd off to some big heat before making the cover.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Watkins gets his foot on the bottom rope stopping the count just in time!]
Cruz: Oh I thought that was it!
Killer: You and me both!
[Murphy is cursing out the referee and complaining about a slow count as Watkins staggers to his feet. He gets the school boy roll up on Murphy.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Murphy just kicks out in time! He jumps to his feet and goes for a clothesline, but Watkins ducks and nails him in the back of the head with an enzeguri to the back of the head that staggers Murphy! Watkins hits a back cracker and makes the cover.]
ONE…
TWO…
[Murphy kicks out in time! Watkins is all fired up as he stands up and signals for the Curtain Call! He boots Murphy and hooks him up, but Murphy blocks the attempt, he turns out of it and goes for a short arm lariat but Watkins ducks it and then drills Murphy with a super kick before planting him with the Curtain Call! He makes the cover.]
ONE…
TWO…
THREE…
[The crowd pop big as Watkins picks up the big win and advances in the tournament.]
Cruz: So far we've seen two great matches, and this crowd is really alive tonight. Don't forget ladies and gentlemen that Hell 2 Pay will be holding bracket tournaments as well leading into The Ascension!
Killer: Can you get anymore happy about that Cruz?
Cruz: You SHOULD be happy, if Mr. Baxman hadn't found us, we wouldn't have gotten paid this month.
Killer: Good point, and I have to give your wife money for child support. So THANK YOU Mr. Baxman for allowing me to STAY out of jail..
Cruz: You could sound happier about it there Alex.
[WINNER VIA PINFALL: BRANDON WATKINS]
Preview of things to come?
[Roadblock, one of the new editions to CWC is walking down the hallway looking down. He kicked at something on the floor, but almost fell. Pushing himself off against the wall, his hands slide into his pockets, his shoulders slump.]
Roadblock: One is the loneliest number... That you ever knew.
[His singing however, was slightly off key as he walked with the dejected manner of a guy who just got turned down by his own cousin to go to junior prom. He stops by the Anarchy Associated locker room, about to knock, but then stopped as he then raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer, pressing his ear against the door.]
Roadblock:....My poor virgin ears!!
[He exclaims after a few moments, and then continued down the hallway, a sad look on his face. At the same time, Patrick Pines was rounding the corner, with his manager Marc.]
Patrick Pines: And he was like.. No way man! And I was like yes way! And he said nuh uh! And then I was like ...totally you could see her b o o...
[Before Patrick could continue, Marc hits him in the arm, and nods towards Roadblock.]
Marc: Now that looks like one sad cracker.
[Patrick nods his head, then blinks, looking at Marc curiously.]
Patrick: I didn't know those little elves could make sad crackers, isn't it illegal to give children depression?
[Marc rolls his eyes. Roadblock almost runs into them, his eyes lighting up.]
Roadblock: Hey party people! Wanna go and jam on some Guitar Hero?
[Roadblock's hands coming up and producing a rather fine rendition of an air guitar]
[Marc shakes his head]
Marc: Right, I'm out of here. Don't forget Patrick, about your match all right?
Patrick: Sure Marc.
[Roadblock and Patrick seem to eye one another warily, as Pines' manager goes wandering away. Roadblock's eyebrow raises slightly]
Roadblock: One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them...
Patrick: One ring to bring them all
Together: And in the darkness bind them!
[They give each other high fives, with a laugh. Then Roadblock scuffs the floor with his shoe.]
Roadblock: So..uh..you want to play Guitar Hero?
[Pines shakes his head]
Patrick: Marc said that it oppresses his brown people heritage. But I wouldn't mind playing some Mario Party!
[Roadblock's nose wrinkles and shakes his head.]
Roadblock: Pikachu says it's a girl that's made only to capitalize on the punks who are just jealous of the yellow spotlight.
[Both look dejected, as Roadblock turns away to find someone in the quest to play Guitar Hero. Patrick then calls out just before he turns the corner]
Patrick: BUT! I could go for an awesome game of Super Smash Brother's Brawl!!
[Roadblock spins around on his heel, looking over at Patrick with excitement in his eyes. For a moment as if fireworks went off in both of their minds.]
Roadblock: This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Tournament Match - 1-Loss Bracket Second Round - Matt Sloan vs. Patrick Pines
Cruz: Could this be an alliance between newcomer Roadblock and Patrick Pines?
Killer: I just want to know what he heard in the locker room!
Cruz: ...Put the hormones away Alex, please for the love of all things holy. Don't make me get out the hose.
Killer: I'll be good!
Cruz: And coming up next is the very man himself... Calling himself the Rocket Man...Patrick Pines going up against Matt Sloan.
Cassandra Randall: First making his way down to the ring, weighing two hundred and thirty three pounds, standing six feet three inches tall... Coming from Mercury, Nevada...He is... Matt Sloan!!
[In The Clouds" begins to play, with Matt Sloan strutting his way to the stage as the first verse hits, spinning as he hits the ramp, then slapping skin with the fans and dancing his way to the ring. He climbs onto the barricade, pumping his fists with the fans to the beat, until he jumps down and slides into the ring, tilting his sunglasses as he climbs the turnbuckle, dancing for the fans.]
Cruz: And Sloan looks to be warming the fans up, they seem to love him!
Killer: Objection!!
Cruz:....What?
Killer: Nothing!
Cassandra Randall: And his opponent hailing from Wolbach, nebraska, weighing 190 pounds and standing five feet ten inches tall... He is Patrick Pines!!
[The arena lights go down and the opening to “Don't Stop Believing” blares over the speakers as a figure under a spotlight emerges from the back. He looks primed for battle, ready to dominate. Heading towards the middle of the stage, he soaks in the crowd's reaction and grins in excitement. With a loud “Woooo!”, he raises his fist into the air with authority, and, without warning, his music begins to skip, looping the words “small-town girl” several times before cutting off entirely. His video, meanwhile, begins to blink out before eventually displaying the words “Tracking Error.” Even his special lighting cue is gone, leaving him with the flickering house lights. A thoroughly bummed out Pines sighs despondently before heading into the ring... He then walks over towards Cassandra Randall, and whispers in her ear.
She gives him a curious look, but she shrugs her shoulders.]
Cassandra Randall: He is the ROCKET MAN...Patrick...Pines!!
Cruz: There's just something about this guy that makes the fans love him.
Killer: Love to beat him up, did you notice what was on his tights?
Cruz: It's a..rocket.
Killer: No it's a co..
Cruz: And the official motions for the bell!
[Pines and Sloan eye one another before locking up. Sloan gets the upper hand and shoves his opponent into the ropes, but Pines grabs hold and doesn't telegraph back. Sloan stomps his foot before moving towards the man and wraps his arms around him to heft him up. Pines shakes his head furiously, gripping onto the ropes for dear life.]
Cruz: Smart thinking there by the Rocket Man.
Killer: He's a whimp!
Cruz: He walked in right after Peter Lenex shot himself, and didn't freak out. Could you do the same Killer?
Killer: This isn't about me!!
[Sloan has been able to remove Pines from the ropes, but Pines is giving him a work out as he won't let Sloan get his hands on him. Sloan dives for a grapple, Pines moves out of the way. Turning, frustrated he dives for another grapple, but Pine dives for the canvas, using a drop toe hold to take Sloan down as well.
Moving quickly, he wraps his hands around Sloan's arm and begins to wrench upwards, giving a wrist lock. The official sliding down and making sure everything is all right, Sloan cries out in pain. The ref asks if he wants to submit, but Sloan shakes his head no. Pines wrenches up roughly, and Sloan lets out a yelp of pain. The ref asks once more if he wants to submit but Sloan grits his teeth shaking his head no.]
Cruz: Sloan's just not giving up!!
Killer: He doesn't know the meaning.
[Pines finally breaks the hold, realizing that this isn't going to get him the win. He stomps on the downed Sloan, before pulling him up by his hair. He then waves to the crowd with a big cheesy smile before kicking out Sloan's leg and sending him hard down onto the mat via a Snap DDT, the crowd giving Pines a massive pop.
Pines goes for the cover.
One...
Two...
Thr...
Kick out! Sloan kicks out at the last moment. Pines raises his head, giving Sloan's a look, before shaking his head. Standing up, he ran a hand through his hair, before he dives his knee into the sternum of Sloan. He then stands up and grabs hold of Sloan's legs after pulling them between his legs and begins to apply pressure ala Boston crab.]
Cruz: It seems as if Pines is not going to let go of this so easily, he's really showing an assortment of moves since he's started in CWC.
[The ref checks on Sloan, as Sloan tries to keep from tapping out. Finally the strain is too much and he pounds on the mat, submitting.
[The ref motions for the bell to be rang.]
Cruz: And Pines did it! The kid from Nebraska with just a dream is moving on in the tourney!!
Killer: Shhhh she's about to talk!!
Cassandra Randall: And your winner, via submission.... Patrick...Pines!!
[WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: PATRICK PINES]
It is NOT an option
[As we come back from break we see Shane Hahn sitting alone in a room, he is smoking a cigarette. A simple flume of smoke can be seen coming from the cigarette as Shane tosses it down and then grabs a bottle of water and takes a sip.]
Shane: I have sat here and watched as the factions have grown and the groups of men and women have fought, grouping together like roaches under a rock.
[Shane takes a drink of water.]
Shane: I have fought at each and every show on my own, not wanting or needing anyone to watch my back or accompany me to the ring. You see depending on someone to watch out for you is for the weak. I have lived my life on my own, lived alone, fought alone, eaten alone and slept alone. Something that most people in this fed are not very familiar with, but to me it is a part of life.
[Shane takes another sip of his water]
Shane: You see I may have a benefactor and he may be helping me but that is as far as it goes. I do not ask for anything, I do not expect anything. This is my journey and this is my mission and this is my burden.
[Shane sighs]
Shane: You see this fed has more factions and packs of wolves than it can handle and I will continue my fight to rid this fed of everything that is leading this place to a future that I know all to well…
[Shane looks down]
Shane: Shane Anderson it starts with you tonight…I will save your future tonight…so my future will be better…
[Cut back to ringside]
MAIN EVENT - Shane Anderson vs. Shane Hahn
Cruz: Well Killer, we just about made it through our first show, what do you think?
Killer: As long as check clears Cruz, I will call a jello wrestling match. Preferably that Mango jello…They should have one of those concession guys selling that shit. Mango jello Cruz, write that down.
Cruz: Killer, you gotta stop with this crazy list of demands you have been whispering to me all night. So far I have written down grilled tilapia with a lemon glaze, jelly donuts filled with cool whip, a private performance from one of the original solid gold dancers and now mango jello. Which is actually your most NORMAL request.
Killer: We are professionals Cruz. The Van Halen’s of professional wrestling announcers. We deserve to be catered to!
Cruz: Yeah, and what happened to David Lee Roth when he became too much of a pain in the ass?
Killer: Well they…oh…fuck…What are you doing Cruz! Tear that list up! Did Baxman see it? I BLAME YOU!
Cassandra Randall: The following match is Hell 2 Pay’s first ever MAAAIN EVENT!! It is a SUBMISSION MATCH! Introducing first…
[“American Idiot” blares over the loudspears, as red and white pyro explodes from under the stage and around the video screen. From the back emerges Shane Anderson, carrying the Canadian Flag.]
Cassandra Randall: From Calgary, Alberta, Canada…standing at 5 feet 9 inches and weighing 222 pounds…THE BISHOP…SHANE ANNNNNDERSON!!
[Shane Anderson walks down the ramp ignoring the fans boos, and sometimes enjoying them. He enters the ring and places the Canadian flag in the corner waving to the crowd as they just jeer him more.]
Cassandra Randall: And his opponent…from Las Vegas, Nevada…standing at 6 feet 1 inch and weighing 225 pounds…SHAAAAANE HAAAAAHN!!
[Shane Hahn appears at the ramp way as Back in Time by Huey Lewis and the News plays. The crowd gives him a luke warm reaction as the pryos shoot off behind him. Hahn walks directly to the ring refusing to break eye contact as he slides into the ring. The ref gives both of them a few seconds in their corners before ringing the bell.]
Cruz: Well this should be an interesting match...I think.
Killer: Yeah a Canadian and a guy who has the personality of a Canadian. I'm on the edge of my seat
[The match has started and Shane Hahn and Anderson start to circle each other. After 8 seconds the two tie up and it is Hahn who waistlocks Anderson, but Anderson with an elbow to Shane Hahns face and he reverses it and waistlocks Hahn and takes him down to the mat. The two wrestlers get back on their feet and they lock up again. This time it is Hahn who gets Anderson in a side-headlock. He then throws Anderson into the ropes and when he comes off Hahn with a dropkick and Anderson goes down to the mat. Hahn pumps himself up, but Anderson takes his time and he rolls himself out of the ring. Anderson stands on the outside and he walks around the ring slowly staring at Hahn.]
Killer: Ya know what I just realized?
Cruz: What’s up?
Killer: Fucker used Back in Time as his entrance music.
Cruz: Huey Lewis is a great band.
Killer: No no no fuck that look at this dude;s bio sheet.
Cruz: Tomorrow’s Hero Shane Hahn. Okay what’s wrong with that besides the fact that he sounds like an Al Gore endorsed super hero.
Killer: I’m keepin my eye on this one…if he says come with me if you want to live…then its into the lava pit with his ass. No foolin. Lava pit. Put that on the list of demands Cruz.
[Anderson chuckles and he then rolls back into the ring again. He moves over to Hahn and they lock up again. And it is Anderson with a knee to the midsection. He follows that up with lifting Hahn up and delivering an atomic drop. Anderson grabs Hahn and turns him around and throws him into the ropes. Hahn comes off and he slides through Anderson's legs, gets up behind him and goes to kick Anderson!! But Anderson catches his leg and Hahn counters with an enziguri! Anderson goes down and Hahn pulls him up again and follows it up with a Russian Legsweep. And the first hold of the match as Hahn tries to lock in a Boston Crab but Anderson is still too fresh and powers out grabbing the ropes.]
Cruz: And our first submission hold of the night is applied!
Killer: Are we supposed to be keeping tally? I came to announce shit, not count. I’m not counting a damn thing.
Cruz: Worried about that third grade education catching up with you Killer?
Killer: Fuck you buddy, thems my rules. No counting. Write that down.
Cruz: IM NOT WRITING THIS SHIT DOWN!
Killer: Side note, I fucking love Showtime. SWEAR LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!
[Hahn picks Anderson up from the mat and he grabs him and gives him a stiff Northern lights Suplex. Hahn gets back on his feet and he picks up Anderson, but Anderson rakes the eyes and Shane Hahn is stunned for a moment. Anderson with a couple of chops to the chest and some kicks to the midsection. Anderson bounces himself into the ropes and he comes off and scissor kick on Hahn! And Anderson now goes over to the corner. He quickly climbs to the top and moonsaults off the top and lands right on top of Shane Hahn!]
Cruz: Shane Anderson really putting on a technical clinic here. Match like this really favors his style over the more high flying speedy wrestling of Shane Hahn. Whatcha think of our main event so far Killer?
Killer: Well at this point, its pretty obvious who is going to win.
Cruz: Oh? Why not enlighten the rest of us then?
Killer: Its going back and forth but I really see Shane walking away with this.
Cruz: Which…you’re a fuckin ass you know that?
Killer: See this is why I get to be the color guy and you have to be the straight man. Or at least the passing for straight man. RIMSHOT!
Cruz: Aren’t in radio anymore Killer, you can’t push a button for a sound effect.
Killer: Oh…then put that…
Cruz: IM NOT PUTTING IT ON THE FUCKING LIST!
[Anderson gives Hahn several stiff kicks to his back before grabbing his leg and wrenching it behind and dropping to the mat. Hahn yells out at the pressure on the back and his knee before Hahn rolls his body away and jams his thumb in Anderson’s eye to break the hold.]
Killer: Jeez that was some Kama Sutra shit right there.
Cruz: All wrestling looks like foreplay to you.
Killer: See that’s what you are mistaken Cruz my friend. I don’t believe in foreplay! It a myth like the G spot and Jesus.
Cruz: Next time you call me on a Friday night with nothing to do…at least I know why.
[Anderson back up and he drags Hahn over to the corner. Anderson then rolls himself out of the ring and he grabs a hold of Hahn his left leg and he drags it over to the ringpost and he slams Hahn’s leg into the steel ring post! He does it again and again as Hahn finally recoils his leg in pain! Anderson now drags Hahn even closer to the ringpost!! Anderson hits his elbow into Hahn’s knee and then wraps a figure four leg lock around the steel ring post!!]
Cruz: Another submission hold…sorta…
Killer: NO COUNTING!
Cruz: I’m not…just shut up. Anderson is just PUNISHING Hahn right now!
Killer: Bet he wishes he could go back in time now doesn’t he? Tomorrow’s Gimp Shane Hahn.
[And Shane Hahn is screaming it out from the pain right now!! Anderson with that viscious ringpost leglock on Hahn. After about 15 seconds Anderson lets go and Hahn crawls back to the center of the ring. But Anderson is not giving him alot of time to recover. He climbs on the apron and jumps off landing a knee drop right on Hahn’s injured leg! And Anderson now gets back up and he works some more on Shane Hahns left leg and he starts to stomp down on it. He then lifts Shane Hahn to his feet and he sweeps his left leg and Hahn falls down to the mat again! Anderson grins and he picks Hahn up again and DDT'S him to the mat!]
Cruz: And Hahn still really hasn’t had his moment to shine here. He’s limping for the most part and Anderson has done considerable amount of damage to that knee.
Killer: Oh who will save us from Global Warming now? With his power ring he controls the forces of CAPTAIN PLANET!!
Cruz: Captain Planet was badass don’t be dissin on the Captain.
Killer: You just had a thing for the gay kid who had the heart ring. Oooh I’m from an impoverished country with no money so they gave me the one ring that doesn’t fucking DO anything.
Cruz: LEAVE MA-TI ALONE!
Killer: Gaaaaaaaaay!
[Anderson on his feet now and he picks up Hahn and irish whips him into the corner. Hahn goes in backfirst and Anderson then decides to run in on him but Hahn stumbles out of the way and Anderson crashes in. Shane Hahn grabs Anderson whips him now into the corner, falling down with the force at which he threw him! And Anderson goes in so hard that he lands in a tree of woe position in the corner! Hahn charges in on him and baseball slides right into Anderson’s face! And Shane Hahn gets up to his feet and unleashes a couple of kicks to Anderson's face!!]
Cruz: And Hahn bad leg and all POWERS back into this match with force! Anderson is feeling those kicks.
Killer: As opposed to him just emoting over them. Don’t hurt his feelings Tomorrow Man!
Cruz: You are so going to get your ass kicked. Our first night and you are going to get your ass kicked.
Killer: Nu hunh, I’m just like a member of the family..remember…right…Cruz? Fuck.
[Hahn then drags Anderson out of the corner and he turns him around and hooks in a sharpshooter!!! He got Anderson in this sharpshooter, but Anderson now is trying to reverse it!! Anderson is trying to roll over now and after about 12 seconds in that hold…Shane Anderson is able to turn the sharpshooter back into a figure four leglock!! And he's doing damage to Shane Hahns leg again!!! Its Anderson back in control again and Hahn with the hurt and pain.]
Cruz: WHAT A REVERSAL! Anderson RIGHT back to work on Shane Hahn’s knee!
Killer: You think he would’ve seen that coming. I mean this should all be in Biff’s Almanac right?
Cruz: What are you talking about?
Killer: Roads? Where Shane Hahn is from we don’t need roads!
[Shane Hahn now trying to drag himself over to the ropes.......he gets closer.....and closer…he got a hold of the ropes! The referee makes Anderson break the hold and Anderson picks Hahn up from the mat and he then slaps him in the face. He then takes Hahn by the arm and whips him into the ropes Hahn comes off and Anderson speared Hahn to the mat! And The Canadian Superstar is in control here!]
Cruz: Hahn is in a great deal of pain right now. His leg is banged up and he’s in an almost fetal position from the internal struggle.
Killer: Internal struggle? What did you go to the Dr. Phil school for wrestling commentary?
Cruz: Well fuck you buddy, you wanna step up and do better?
Killer: Fine, I graduated Gonna Cum Loudly from Sam Kinneson Commentary school!
Cruz: Wait…what?
Killer: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuUUuUuuuUuUuuUuuuUUUuuuk THAT HUUURT!!
[Anderson now brings Hahn back to his feet again and he irish whips him and he sends Hahn into a corner!! And Hahn goes in backfirst!!! Shane Hahn hit that corner hard and Anderson follows in hot pursuit and storms in on Shane Hahn but Hahn hits a perfect drop toe hold on Anderson who goes face first to the turnbuckle! Shane Hahn is going right back to Anderson and he drags him out of the corner. And he grabs Anderson by the arm and sends him into the ropes. Anderson comes off and Shane Hahn catches him and sends him to the mat with a spinning DDT! And Hahn goes back to driving his knee into Anderson’s back and wrenches back with his boston crab! Hahn reaches back grabbing Anderson’s neck and pulling but Anderson is biting down on Hahn’s hand to break the hold!!]
Killer: MIKE TYSON STYLE!
Cruz: Anderson doing ANYTHING to get out of that hold again!
Killer: That was some Ghetto Canadian shit! Try taking a Molson away from a Hooser and youll see.
[Hahn now picks up Anderson from the mat and he waistlocks him, but ooooooooh Anderson with a mulekick!!! And Shane Hahn is stunned and Anderson goes into the ropes and comes off and clotheslines Shane Hahn to the mat! Anderson moves to pick up Shane Hahn and sets up him up for the Canadian Destroyer but Hahn powers out driving an elbow into Anderson’s face! Hahn takes a step backwards as Anderson is stunned and goes for The Blast From the Past! Unfortunately the injuries to Hahn’s leg and Hahn stumbles as Anderson swoops in and lays Hahn out with a release belly to belly suplex!! ]
Cruz: Desperation time as these men’s bodies are starting to feel the effects of all of these submission moves.
Killer: Hell Im surprised that Suburban Commando over there is even walking after all the shit done to his leg.
Cruz: How long have you been wanting to use a Suburban Commando reference?
Killer: Bout 10 minutes. What? I’m the man with the microphone!
[Anderson gets to his feet and he stomps down on Shane Hahn a few times. He then goes over to the corner and starts to climb it to the top. Anderson reaches the topturnbuckle and he faces the ring. He wants to jump off, but Shane Hahn got back on his feet again in time. He went over to the corner and starts to climb it aswell. He made it to the topturnbuckle too now but Anderson jams his thumb into his eye again! And Anderson then pushes Hahn off the toprope and Shane Hahn falls backwards to the mat! And Anderson now standing on the topturnbuckle and he dives off for an elbow drop but Hahn rolled out of the way in time!!]
Cruz: and Hahn is still alive!
Killer: I wonder how he saw that coming…maybe it was…
Cruz: DON’T say it.
Killer: Not even a Mork and Mindy reference? You are killing my creativity Cruz!
[Hahn now the first one to get on his feet and he slowly moves over to the corner. He starts to climb it and he reaches the top. But now it is Anderson who also got on his feet. Anderson also makes it to the corner and climbs to the top as well. Anderson with a punch, but Hahn blocks it and he counters with a hard right hand of his own. Anderson reaches over trying to pull Hahn to the mat but Hahn ducks under him and grabs his hand propels himself off the turnbuckle as Anderson goes crashing down over him with a top rope Mr. Fusion! ]
Cruz: TOP ROPE FIRE MAN’S CARRY! ANDERSON LANDED RIGHT ON HIS HEAD!
Killer: Well at least now I wont be the only one around here who doesn’t like counting.
Cruz: Anderson looks completely OUT after that move by Hahn. That was a pretty serious blow to the head.
Killer: Actually pretty serious blows to the head is on AFTER this show. SHOWTIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
[Hahn is fumbling around holding his knee in pain but makes his way back over to Anderson and hooks in the boston crab once more!! Anderson seems to be completely out as the ref raises his hand once…twice…three times! And the ref calls for the bell!!]
Cassandra Randall: And the Winner of Hell 2 Pay’s FIRST ever Main event…SHAAAANE HAAAAAHN!!!!
Cruz: An incredible main event to end an incredible night! This was Hell 2 pay!
Killer: And now…the dancing ladies!
Cruz: There are NO dancing ladies.
Killer: DID I GET NOTHING I WANTED!
Cruz: Ah…jeez, Killer…this is terrible…
Killer: What? What now? Worse than dancing ladies?
Cruz: Yep, They just passed it onto me, Hell 2 Pay is cancelled. It didn’t take man. Looks like its back to the gas station for us.
Killer: WHAT?! ARE YOU…WHAT?! NO! FUCK THAT! NO!
Cruz: Those are the breaks man.
Killer: WHY DOES NOTHING GOOD HAPPEN TO ME! I DIDN’T EVEN GET MY DRESSING ROOM! I DIDN’T GET MY BLT WITH RANCH! I DIDN’T GET MY MASSAGE WITH A CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED HAPPY ENDING! AND MY BOWL OF GREEN M&M’S! HEY! HEY BRYAN BAXMAN FU-
[Cruz’s eyes get wide and he grabs a clipboard and smashes it over Killer’s head sending it crashing to the table with a thud.]
Cruz: From Hell 2 Pay I am Robert Cruz and for Alex Kimmerly…Good night! WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!
Killer: wait…wha?
[WINNER VIA PINFALL: SHANE HAHN] |